Its seems to be a week of people talking about relationships………and more about ending relationships than starting them. It is difficult when one is in this position in life. This is my spin on a few situations that have come up for discussion, but first a tip, the only relationship you really need to work on is the one with you. Everything else will fall into place.
I have had a few discussions with couples that have been together for many, many years, and now they come to the realization that there really isn’t a relationship. They were busy for years raising the children and looking after careers. Now that the children have grown and the career is in it’s final stages, they realize they stopped building on the relationships several years ago. It feels as though they are living with a stranger in some ways. When it comes to a marriage and children, it is important to look after your relationship with yourself first, your relationships with your spouse second, and the children will be looked after. We often times flip all those upside down resulting in a mess at the end of the day.
There are people that once in a relationship they loose themselves, giving themselves to the partner. A partnership is two people not one, a healthy relationship is two healthy partners, not one. Once one person is lost, the resentments and anger start to build because of the disappointments they feel for not having done what they wanted in life. The finger starts to get pointed at their partner, because they obviously could not read their mind, or read their signs of what they wanted. No wonder the relationship is on the rocks. It is so important to know who you are going into the relationship, and feeling comfortable with that. In a healthy relationship you feel safe and supported in being who you truly are. Never hand your power to someone else, it will only end in heart ache.
The people we choose to have relationships with are those that hold a mirror up for us to look in, for us to learn from. If we choose to look for blame rather than look in the mirror we create blocks not only for ourselves but also in our relationships. If there is a problem within our relationship, there is a problem within the relationship with ourselves. This is not to say that every relationship can work, in fact quite the opposite, sometimes the mirror is showing you that you deserve so much more, or that you have outgrown this relationship. That is not to blame the other person, simply to show you it is time for you to move on in life.
Holding on to resentments and hurts from the past is the worst thing for a relationship. If you hold on to something that happened yesterday you are blocking the good that can come in today. We start to build filters in our minds that every situation, every comment flows through. Why would we want to add yesterdays hurts to today’s possibilities? Forgiveness is a huge part of a healthy relationship. Forgiveness of ourselves, forgiveness of our partner. If we can not achieve this the baggage we carry begins to get very heavy, having a huge affect on every relationship in our lives. In letting go of the past, it does not mean you become a door mat for anyone, it means you are allowing yourself to live in today, in each moment. If the hurt continues to happen then you have a decision to make, just be sure you are looking at today, not an accumulation of yesterdays.
People change, people grow apart, there is no doubt about that. We can outgrow people. We can out grow relationships. There is no one to blame, we simply need to make the decision to move on and do it in a loving manner. Every single person is unique, we all change and grow at different times in our lives. People come into our lives to help us grow, to help us learn, and then there is a time for them to leave our lives. People can also change and stay within a relationship if it can sustain the change. This takes a real trust between two people, it takes healthy people to be able to allow one to go and be who they really are, and not want them to stay who you think they are for your sake. The closer a person gets to living their dreams, their passions, the more love they exude to those around them. Why would anyone want to block that? It is important to allow each person to grow and have their space in life in order for a relationship to really grow and evolve.
I also see people leaving relationships and jumping right into the next one that comes along. This is an unhealthy situation, we have been warned of this all our adult lives, we have seen it in friends and relatives, but some continue to do it. Perhaps they continue to do it to show us why we shouldn’t do it, after all everyone has a role to play here. When a relationship ends there is a grieving process one must go through, this is a time to heal hurts, to release the past, to learn about who you really are. When we don’t take that time, we end up dragging the same baggage right into the next relationship and sometime down the road wondering why we are unhappy. The more we stuff things down inside thinking that we can ignore them, the more they build up and bubble up when we least expect it. This pattern in life is not only hurtful to you it is hurtful to others. Remember to give yourself the proper amount of time to grieve, to absorb the lessons you learned, and to let go of the baggage before getting into another relationship.
When we can spend time each day honoring the relationship we have with ourselves, we are far better off in any other relationship. How does one honor their relationship with themselves? Here are a few suggestions:
1. Be aware of how you feel, let go of anything that is dragging you down.
2. Be willing to speak your mind.
3. Nurture yourself, be will to give yourself what you need in a day, rest, relax, inspiration, motivation, rewards, get out and play like a kid.
4. Exercise, what ever works for you. Get outside as often as possible.
5. Eat a nutritionally balanced diet with fresh fruits and vegetables.
6. Drink plenty of water.
7. Meditate, or take quiet time out for you.
8. Have positive thoughts about yourself, reaffirm them often.
9. Know your dreams and keep them alive.
10. Set healthy boundaries for yourself and others, and stick to them.
Looking after yourself does not make you selfish, it actually makes you more available to others, because you have made yourself available to you. Nurturing you does not have to take lots of time, in fact you can create time to do this. How about all of those red lights that annoy you, take that time to affirm positive things about yourself, or to breath deeply quieting your mind. It really is simple, we just complicate life.
We have relationships for reasons, always follow your heart, the answers within there are never wrong. If you are in a relationship that you need to get out of, do it in a loving manner, do it without casting blame. If you are in a relationship that you would like to change, keep in mind you can not change other people, you can only change you. In changing you it will change situations, but that does not always guarantee the relationship will change, make the changes for you without expectations, you will benefit. If you are in a relationship that you are not sure what to do, follow your heart, do some inner healing, and ask your guardian angels for guidance, love and support. We all know what we need and want in life, when we stop relying on others to deliver that to us we are far better off. We also know when we are blocking or holding someone back from what they really want in life, let them go, let them grow, and see the beauty that comes back, we are only holding them back from a place of fear, not love.