Movie Nonsense

I enjoy action movies, ones that feature car chases, explosions, and fighting. Scantily clad ladies are always a bonus. Witty dialogue, special effects, it all makes for an enjoyable movie for me.

What I don’t enjoy is when the hero, faced with the villain  decides than rather to just kill them, instead that they fight mano a mano without weapons. Seriously? If I have someone who has tried to kill me several times standing in front of me, the last thing I am going to do is disarm myself so we can lock horns in the old fashioned way. Too many movies seem to rely on this cliche as the climax to the movie and it just doesn’t make sense. Pretend to be disarmed and then kill your opponent. You don’t get style points for punching them out, honest!

The other ‘popular’ scenario involves computers and how quick, easy, and simple they are to use. A few key strokes and the nuclear reactor is de-activated. Seriously? No waiting for the window to pop up, ask if you are sure? If you are hacking into a government mainframe, I am pretty sure that three lines of Unix code isn’t enough to do it, especially in anything under a few hours. I understand poetic license but if you are taking liberties with this, you are treating your audience like idiots. We all use computers, and we all know how slow they can be, how unreliable they can be, and well, how frustrating they can be. You never see any of this in the movies though.

Once the hero or heroine has found the super fast computer, they need to analyze an image that was taken in low light from an ATM across from the murder scene, in the fog. The ‘magical’ word, ENHANCE is used and amazingly, a few blurred pixels give the murderers face in a clear image. Seriously? To help you understand, let me explain. If you have an image that is blurry and blocky, there are some filters that can guess what each pixel (dot in the image) is supposed to be but it is just that, guess work. If you make the image bigger, it is going to be a bigger image that is blurry. You cannot make a blocky image suddenly show something that a perfect picture taken at the same time would perhaps be able to take. I appreciate that again, poetic license is being used but can’t film makers realise that this is just another way of cheating. Instead of making it real, it put it into the land of fantasy and science fiction. Either technology is still considered so beyond viewers that anything goes, or people really just don’t care about getting things right anymore.

Talking of technology, why do we need 3D movies? While it may make a movie stand out (ho ho ho) does it really improve the story or does it just distract from the plot holes? If you wear glasses already, wearing a second pair is uncomfortable and annoying. It isn’t the 1950s anymore where arrows and flaming torches come out of the screen to scare us. If I never see an other 3D movie it will be too soon.

Finally, where is the originality in new movies? If you look at the top ten box office this week you get:

Rise of the Planet of the Apes (Origin movie based upon five movie series), The Smurfs (cartoon), Cowboys & Aliens (graphic novel), The Change-Up (too many other body swap movies to name), Captain America (comic book), Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows PT 2 (seventh book in series), Crazy Stupid Love, Friends with Benefits (No Strings Attached anyone?), Horrible Bosses (Dolly Parton in 9 to 5), Transformers: Dark of the Moon (third movie in series)

How many body-swap movies do we really need? Nothing original about two people swapping bodies unless one kills the other and you can’t have that in a comedy, which body swap movies always are. As much as I really enjoyed Rise of the Planet of the Apes, how many origin movies are we going to now? X-Men, Batman, Spiderman on his second or third try, do we really need to know how these characters came to be? What next, how their parents had children who would become heroes in future movies?

The rest of the month holds such treats as Final Destination 5 (what is it about FINAL that the film makers do not understand?), Fright Night (another remake), Conan the Barbie Girl (yet another remake), Don’t be afraid of the dark (based on a 1973 made for TV movie). Movie makers de-cry the internet and how people are downloading movies rather than paying for expensive tickets, made even more if the movie is needlessly in 3D. Personally, I believe that if the movies were better, more people would watch them on the big screen.

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