New Year's Eve

Times Square
Image by iratxo.foto via Flickr

I have just made a terrible mistake. It is something that I fear will take many months if not years to overcome, in fact I might even need professional help. It is embarrassing, rather humiliating and not really something I want to publicize but for the sake of others who may accidentally find themselves in a similar position, I will tell all and explain just exactly has happened.

I just watch a trailer for the movie ‘New Year‘s Eve’ and I may regret it for the rest of my un-natural life. The movie hasn’t been released yet, it’s due to be in cinemas on December 9th, a day that may go down in infamy. Allow me to set the scene before explaining more.

The movie is an ensemble piece featuring such greats as Robert De Niro and, well that is the only great. There are some good actors though, Carla Gugino, Jessica Beil, Josh Duhamel, Michelle Pfeiffer and Hilary Swank. Other include Ashton Kutcher, Katherine Heigl, Sarah Jessica Parker, Zac Efron and Jon Bon Jovi. You can probably see where this is going. The movie is about various couples and singles in New York over the buildup to the glittery ball dropping.

This is billed as a romantic comedy and while there very well be some moments of mirth, laughter and giggles, I am pretty confident that those few moments won’t outweigh the overall vomit inducing idea of the actual movie. This is a ‘chick flick‘ in every single sense of the word. The only way it could be more of a ‘chick flick‘ is if there were real chickens acting, which in some cases would be an improvement.

It seems that every year there is a couple of movies that rather than having a strong enough plot for say, a Jennifer Aniston movie, pile a handful of different plots, tailor them to all have a central theme, and then find a group of actors looking for a quick payoff. I mean, Mr De Niro, what are you doing? Did your agent not read the script? Have you forgotten just how great you really are? May I remind you of The Godfather: Part II? Taxi Driver? The Deer Hunter? Raging Bull? Heat? Ronin? You are better than this Mr De Niro and you need to preserve both your reputation and your legacy!

If there is any justice in this world, the grown ups that go to the cinema will flock to see Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy and those less mature will pile in to watch The Sitter, leaving New Year‘s Eve wallowing far behind with an audience of single woman who live with too many cats. Even the cats should warn their owners about this movie.

I love movies, I have Netflix so I may indulge often, and enjoy venturing outside these four padded walls to watch the latest and greatest. I have watched bad movies, I have watched terrible movies (Amazon Women On The Moon anyone?) but I can honestly say that I have never ever in my entire life watched a movie trailer that made my man card want to commit hari kari. I plead to you, oh wonderful reader, don’t watch this trailer, you will only regret it for a long time and gain nothing positive from it.

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