The top down low down

There is a certain type of driver that you see during those months when the snow has finally melted away. They are generally gentlemen of an older age, not ancient but old enough, and they all seem to drive convertible cars with the top down! Their cars are never classic cars from previous decades, rather they are Porsche Caymans or Mazda MX-5s.

For whatever reason, they are always driving alone, perhaps to show their availability to those lucky ladies who happen to gaze upon the car and its occupant. While most drivers go for the casual look with an arm on the door, as the driver ages and shrinks with age, it becomes more difficult and will often resort to a plumb cushion placed on the seat to keep the correct jaunty angle of the elbow.

Sometimes if it is extremely windy they will be wearing some sort of hat, or if the driver is feeling especially special, a baseball cap. Apparently it helps keep the toupee stay secured when hitting the dizzying speeds over 30 KPH. There is nothing quite as indescribable as driving behind one of these drivers, watching their grey hair, usually long for their age, whipping back and forth like a squid on LSD, waiting for the moment when the driver experiences that ‘we have lift off’ moment and his balding pate is revealed to all. An average sized toupee, while normal sized when placed upon a head, can expand to three times it’s normal size once freed and it can obscure 97.3 percent of the windshield of the car following behind.

As well as a potential danger to following cars, these drivers must drive slow enough that the chances of available ladies is maximized. They often slow down even more when a potentially comely wench approaches. I can understand perhaps slowing slightly when a drop dead beautiful woman walks by but you cannot slow down anything over 21 walks by.

I am not condemning these drivers, far from it, I am sure if I am single when I am older, and chances are I probably will, either that or dead with the wife serving a prison sentence, I will probably do the same, sitting on my hoverboard, dropping down to street level to check out a hottie or two. As with Anne Nicole Smith and the millionaire, if you have the money why shouldn’t you want something younger, and if you want the money, older men die sooner.

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