The truth about me (according to my email)

Fake Rolex watch. Notice that all the letter O...
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If you have email, you have an inbox. The term comes from that time, long long ago, when people worked at desks with something called paper. There would be two trays or boxes, an in box and am out box. And you thought you wouldn’t learn anything today!

If you have an email account with one of the bigger providers, Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo, AOL (just kidding) then you will have a Spam folder where emails that your email provider thinks are spam are placed. What is Spam? At the risk of vikings singing about a meat, spam is the same as those unsolicited letters and flyers that appear in your real life mailbox from time to time. The main difference being that the send can click one button and have it sent to millions upon millions of people where as with physical mail, there are the costs of printing etc.

According to Wikipedia, the estimated figure for spam messages in 2011 is around seven trillion (insert little finger to corner of mouth). It is about 85 percent of all email sent around the world. Incase you slept through the math class covering such figures, that’s a lot.

Anyway, back to the spam (spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam) folder, but more accurately, mine. When I peek behind the walls of the junk bin I find various types of claims, offers and other such items. In one day, I discovered that the world thinks that I am a geek with a small penis that I cannot keep erect to pleasure my woman but that there are Russian women claiming that they have met me and that are just waiting to sleep with me. This leaves me in a very confused state. I don’t think I have met any Russian women recently!

You rarely get the chain emails that claim that if you forward it to ten people, Bill Gates will personally take you to Disneyland. Slightly less rare are the Nigerian Prince emails. The Nigerian Prince is a scam or con designed to convince the gulible to send money to the person who is conning them. The email purports to be from an exiled dignitry of a far off country who has a fortune in a bank that they are willing to share with you. The only catch is that to access this money and transfer it to you, you have to give them some money to cover fees or something. When this first appeared, a surprisingly large number of people were fooled and while it has been some time since the emails appeared, and the stories have appeared in news media, the occasional person is still caught out and suddenly finds themselves a few thousand dollars less in the bank account.

I actually smile when I see a Nigerian Prince email in my spam box, it is like a blast from the past, a reminder of an era gone by.

It also appears that those people who pay thousands of dollars for a Rolex watch don’t shop around. Just this morning I was offered a Rolex watch for a mere couple of hundred dollars. I think it will go nicely with the Louis Vitton bag that apparently is a lot cheaper than retail price as well.

It is good to know that around the world there are so many women who want to sleep with me, even though I am unable to satisfy any of them, that I can get amazing deals on high end goods such as watches, hand bags and Photoshop and that for a small amount of money I could be a billionaire given to me by a real prince. How could my life get any better?

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